in one day, i was hugged, bear hugged, butt-slapped, massaged, slapped, kicked, high-fived, fist-pounded, chest groped, and tackled.
these events were NOT fabricated. it happened today, and i wish i could say this was out of the ordinary. it’s not.
the subject of this weeks “things that can only happen in bible college” is, you guessed it: AWKWARD GUY TOUCHING
what is it about the male bible college student that drives him to make physical contact with other males so badly, and in such awkward ways?
i should note, i am not a “touchy-feely” person. fist bumps and high fives are my style. the side hug is as close as it gets for me with other guys (with the patented three slaps on the back), in terms of comfort. for more on the side hug, check out SCL. a regular, old-fashioned hug from another guy is just too much for me. i walk around with a two foot bubble around me. maybe that’s just me…
back to our original question, why the need for male physical guy-ness at bible college? well i have some thoughts:
1. they’re on the hunt for a wife.
i would be lying if i were to say that every male in bible college isn’t on the prowl for a wife. where better to meet someone?
let’s say, you’re sitting in class, learning about the bible, and who do you find sitting next to you?
a hot chick…
…learning about the bible.
what’s a guy to do? of course ask the pretty lady out… but until that relationship goes a bit further (being optimistic), hugs will exclusively come from fellow dudes.
2. they’re trying to overcome their own physical uncomfortableness.
probably as some part of a lent commitment or challenge from a professor. or maybe their from the south and have just moved to california. because, let’s face it, guys don’t hug in the south, apparently that’s not the case in good old cali.
3. they’re really looking for a wife
hormones a raging, a high five or a bear hug is a great way of letting out a subtle hint to all those around: “see this hug right here ladies? there’s a lot more where that came from!”
4. they’re trying to promote some kind of male camaraderie.
all in good intentions, guys will sometimes get handsy with other guys for the simple goal of building a common bond between a group of guys. harmless enough. most commonly seen at summer camps, over-nighters, or late-night TP-ing trips.
5. they’re really, really looking for a wife.
if they don’t get a hug asap, they just might lust-combust!
alright you awkward guys out there, or maybe you’re a victim of the man bear hug, what are your thoughts?
